do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
