I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
