He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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