i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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