On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
