i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize