Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
