i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
