Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
sarcasm needs its own font
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
