I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
