Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
