Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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