i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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