i think my tv is drunk
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
