And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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