She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
