hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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