He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
