I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
