Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
