I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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