M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
