All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
