I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Randomize
