...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
