So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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