i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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