Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
