It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
