How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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