I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
