Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
