They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
