why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
