just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
