This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
