this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
