Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
