Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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