we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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