"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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