I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
