i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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