Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
