I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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