tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
