i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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