Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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