Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
