I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
