i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
