We're facebook friends in real life
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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