so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
