i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
