Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
