haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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