My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
