dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
