with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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