every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
