I feel great
I just peed on a car
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
