I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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