also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
