Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
