Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize