You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
