i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
