Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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