I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
