Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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